


cross-legged in a dim light

by sapphicreputation



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, like taylor swift once said, what died didn't stay dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:40:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicreputation/pseuds/sapphicreputation
Summary: love/lʌv/nounan intense feeling of deep affection.- Sometimes so intense, so powerful, it garners the ability to shift cosmic forces that have stood centuries, in the space of mere moments.Death is never the end...Dani isn't really gone. Jamie is certain of such. With the correct play of hands, a well aligned stroke of fate, and the assistance of one Lady of the Lake, Jamie's certainty lives to become a reality.
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. same moon, same stars

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of life after Episode 9. Dani isn't gone - Jamie refused to accept such an ill-thought out fate for the love of her life. Thankfully, Dani's sheer determination made true on such a concept. After all, if Viola held enough love (and albeit, enough spite) inside her to create her own gravitational pull, her own definition of purgatory, what's to stop Dani from doing the same?

It began as an anniversary tradition; the calendar markings that notified Jamie of the day the blonde went back to reside beneath the trepid waters of that godforsaken lake, the days that should’ve been cause for celebrations - their anniversaries, birthdays. It was a peculiar taste of comfort - Jamie knew each and every road to her destination like the back of her hand. Perhaps even go as far as saying she could make the drive with her eyes closed. She wouldn’t, of course. The point being - she _could._ Eventually, it grew into something more. Something bigger than just a motion to mark what should’ve been days of happiness and celebration. She’d often make the drive on the days where she was sure she could no longer continue - forcing herself into the car that had once been _theirs_ with every crevice of strength she could muster, chest heaving the first fifteen miles under the weight of missing Dani.

It was something she could make sense of - get in the car, fasten seatbelt, bring the engine to life, foot on the pedal, drive. It was easy - she could lose herself in the memories of them both together during the journey. Three hours was a lot of time, suffocating almost. Jamie revelled in it. Revelled in the feelings that came with replaying every night she could force herself to remember, lay beneath the welcome weight of Dani’s arms, head resting gently on the blondes chest. 

Once she’d reached the destination - that all too familiar diner sign welcoming her home, just as Dani once had after seemingly never ending days of work, her heart felt a beat lighter. She felt home - or as much as she could, having adjusted to the concept of home no longer being the blonde she’d sworn to spend the rest of her days loving. Thankfully, the staff were always welcoming. They knew Jamie often just wanted to be left alone. There’d be times she’d order food, others she’d go without. Relying only on black coffee to keep her energy up just enough to be sure she could safely embark on the three hour drive back home. She had a number of favourite tables she’d frequent - notably, the ones that were tucked away comfortably in the corner, adorning a view of the valleys that lay beyond the diner. It was here that Jamie would now come whenever she felt like she needed to be closer to Dani.

For, it was here that they first allowed themselves to glance at their future. It was in the four walls of this diner that Jamie admitted her dreams of experiencing a white christmas, and the first time Dani had let her fears slip surrounding planning for the future. It was in this diner once more that Jamie had consoled a broken hearted Dani over root beer floats, assuring her that she wasn’t selfish for wanting to plan a future, nor was she a wicked individual for staying with Jamie, them both being well aware of how their story would inevitably end. It was here that Jamie promised Dani, the love of her life, that one day at a time is fine by her, so long as they’re together. Jamie meant it, but _god_ , what she’d give for just _one_ more day with the blonde. One more afternoon of Dani sat opposite her, rambling about flower arrangement ideas. Talking of times she’d shared with Flora and Miles back at Bly. Sighing over the weight of missing her parents. They seemed to share more than Jamie ever realised in the moments, within the safe haven of this diner. There was little Jamie wasn’t willing to sacrifice for just one more moment in time to be with Dani, safe once more in those four walls. 

**

_The snow was coming down unabashedly by now. Jamie was beside herself - the concept of finally experiencing a white christmas reducing her to a childlike state of excitement. Granted, it was only November. She didn’t care. This was everything she’d ever dreamt of. More than, in fact. For, in all her life, Jamie had never dared let herself think further than just getting through the day. The survival instinct in her too strong to allow herself to think about what the future must hold. She’d grown accustomed to shrugging off any questions surrounding the future from Owen, or Hannah, or anyone else in the chapters of her life before Bly. Chapters of her life before Dani. Things were different now - she was finally able to look into the future, and revel in the excitement of it; the happiness of knowing that this chapter of her life would be spent side by side with the love of her life._

_She was sat by open planned windows of the Leafling, desperately trying to capture every image of snow flurrying across the street walks just on the other side of the glass. She didn’t know it right then, but Dani snapped more than one photo of the sight. In fact, Dani would capture images of Jamie at just about any moment she could. She’d eventually reveal her schemings during their first, and only, Christmas together. A full photo album holding a looking glass perspective of their life together. There were some of them together - outside the Leafling, clutching the receipt of their first sale together. One outside the same diner Jamie would come to cherish more than she’d ever realise. Others were solely of Jamie. Her asleep, the window adjacent to their bedside providing a low stream of daylight. Her repotting some of the many plants that took up residence throughout their apartment, sometime she’d be doting over a particularly beautiful bunch of roses, others she’d be all but wrestling with overgrown monstera plants as she attempted to safely rehome them in bigger pots._

_There were some of Dani alone, too. Images she’d taken of herself using a mirror - she’d mostly be pulling stupid faces in those. Something about wanting Jamie to remember the happier times when the darkness became all too much. Jamie’s particular favourite was a picture she’d taken of Dani, atop the bed they’d finally come to assemble together. It was one of Jamie’s favourite memories - Dani had been so angry at the fact the brunette had overlooked how to assemble the bed, so much so, that it resulted in them both racing against the ever setting sun to have it assembled before darkness hit. Dani was adamant she’d done all the hard tasks - locating the appropriate screwdrivers, finding lone screws, actually holding everything together whilst all Jamie had to do was screw nails into the appropriate bars of the frame. As such, she made Jamie capture her triumph, claiming that she held full bragging rights over the assembly of the bed. Jamie could never refuse her, so she simply shot her a smile and told her to pose._

_**_

_A week later, and the snow had finally melted enough to make the roads safe to embark on once more. The pair had grown understandably restless during the weeklong blizzard, the allure of snow quickly wearing off after the second day. The snow had landed so highly, Jamie had to shovel the entrance of the Leafling every morning. Dani didn’t understand why the brunette was incessant on opening it amidst a blizzard, but Jamie retorted that there’ll always be someone who needs flowers, regardless of the weather. The grey days make just as much room for life as the brighter ones do, after all._

_‘Let’s drive.’ Dani offered, whilst bringing her love coffee in bed. FInally, the blonde had grasped how to make a proper brew. Or at least, that’s what Jamie told her. Truth be told, it was still questionable, but Jamie all but melted at the sight of her wife looking so accomplished, so she drank every cup offered and pretended to savour every sip._

_‘Drive where?’_

_‘I’m not sure - we can just see where we end up.’ Jamie’s sense of adventure was a flame that would never be fully extinguished, and it was that inkling to explore that led the pair to driving three hours south. The weather was slightly more forgiving, though the clouds still remained as ominous here as they did in Vermont, the air felt more inviting. It was crisp, but not sharp enough to make their lungs feel as though they were burning with every exhale like the current conditions at home did. Dani recognised their route about an hour into the drive, and the smile that took over her features was all the confirmation Jamie needed that this was a great idea._

_They arrived at the diner a while later, both heavy with the weight of nostalgia at the time they’d shared here before. For, in this diner, Dani finally let her walls come down. This diner housed the memory of the first time Dani finally felt brave enough to admit to Jamie just how fucking scared she was. How much it was breaking her heart, knowing they were on borrowed time. How much she couldn’t stand to look ahead, because their forever could be ripped from them in the blink of an eye. For Jamie, her recollections differed slightly. It was a time where she was able to peel back more layers of Dani than she’d ever done before; the first time she’d finally seen the woman allowed to be vulnerable in a sense that was simply...Dani. Not the au pair from Bly Manor, nor a promised Lady of the Lake. Just...Dani Clayton, as she lives and breathes. Jamie cherished the fact that Dani trusted her, trusted them enough, to want to plan a forever together, regardless of how short that forever may be._

_She recalls the way the blonde had pushed the food on her plate around for a while, seemingly lost in thought whilst Jamie continued planning their route home to Vermont. The way she’d hesitated for a moment when Jamie pushed her to share her thoughts - as though she was torn between pulling herself apart completely to let Jamie in, or brushing the anxiety suffocating her mind as nothing but fatigue from travelling. Thankfully, the blonde had chosen the former, and it was from there they were able to really begin to lay the foundations of their forever. Jamie was realistic, often to a fault. She was pragmatic in the sense that she knew everything had a solution, it just needed to be searched for. Sadly, it was because of this pragmatism that she wasn’t able to kid herself into thinking there was a road winding fourty years long for them together._

_She knew that sooner than she would ever like, the lady of the lake would beckon Dani. Force her to return to the lake, against every shred of will she had to fight it, and it was because of this pragmatism that she was able to make peace with their reality. Just for now. It was the hardest turmoil she’d ever faced - even greater than her family being ripped from her, greater than nearly losing herself completely to the darkness of her mind during her stints in prison, knowing that her and Dani were living to someone else’s timeline. Yet, thanks to this pragmatism, Jamie was able to assure Dani that one day at a time was enough for her, as long as they were together._

**

Dani’s birthday was the first monumental occasion to come around after her passing. Jamie was at a loss for how to spend it - it was hardly as though she could catch a flight back to England, return to Bly and mourn the love of her life that would forever reside at the bottom of the lake. She couldn’t face herself to work that day either; the legacy of Dani was etched into every crack and crevice of that place, it would feel too heavy spending such a day surrounded by the life she left behind. Eventually, Jamie decided to do something they both loved - getting in the car, and simply driving. Only, she knew exactly where she was going. As such, a routine of sorts was born. Dani’s birthday, her own birthday, what would’ve been their anniversary, everything else in between - Jamie would get in the car and drive to that very diner that once held the promise of forever. 

Somewhere along the line, Jamie stopped seeking excuses to make the six hour round trip. She stopped forcing herself to wait for notable days to roll around, and instead allowed herself to go whenever the weight of missing Dani became too much. She couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but there was a significant pull toward the diner that helped Jamie feel closer to the blonde she swore to spend forever loving. When there, she would watch the world around her carry on, envying them being free from the pain of learning to live with losing the love of your life. It was hardly as though she could talk to anyone about it - everyone who’d lived through Bly alongside Jamie and Dani were either gone, or a part of her past that proved too painful to continue digging up. She heard from Owen here and there, though their talks were sporadic. He was busy, understandably so. Everything had really taken off for him, in the life after Bly. He pursued his dream of opening a restaurant and never looked back. A picture of Hannah hung proudly on the centrepiece of the establishment - something that Owen was sure to toast to, every single day without fail.

The children weren’t to be contacted, and frankly, Jamie didn’t want to. Not yet, at least. Though she knew they’d done nothing wrong, the woman couldn’t help but hold an ounce of resentment toward Miles and Flora. Flora, especially. She couldn’t help but shift a fraction of blame onto them for the way Dani’s fate so tragically ended. It was because of this, that Jamie never sought them out again. Hell, she wasn’t even certain they’d remember her, or Dani. The thought of them no longer remembering Dani after she’d sacrificed _everything_ for them to live. Live happily, live safely, _live._ It made Jamie’s blood boil, regardless of how irrationational she knew it was. So, she was alone once more. 

Jamie often wrote during her times at the diner. Sometimes she’d write directly to Dani, filling her in on tidbits of her life. She told her of the cat she’d adopted - a stray she’d found on the street, more like. She’d called it Poppins, and told of how it helped her home, _their_ home, feel less lonely. She loved Poppins the cat, but made it abundantly clear that it would never be _her_ Poppins. More, an ode to her. An ode to the happiness and comfort and safety Dani never failed to instill within her. She told her of the continued success of the Leafling. She admitted how there were times she’d considered closing up shop, selling the place and moving on. One time, she’d come as close as having listed the building for sale with estate agents, but knew as soon as possible buyers came to visit, it would’ve been a mistake. She learned to live with the constant echoes of Dani throughout the shop, and admitted that one day she hoped she would eventually once again come to embrace them. 

There were times Jamie would come equipped with the latest novel that’d caught her attention - these were the days she’d rouse a conversation with whoever was her server. They’d pick her brains over the titles she was losing herself in, asking her opinions, and who her favourite characters were. Jamie knew they’d likely never read the books she buried herself in, but she appreciated the fact they’d bridge that gap to get to know a sliver of the woman that was always so forlorn when residing in the table by the window. These were the days she’d be sure to hand a twenty dollar bill directly into the hands of whoever served her that day, a wordless exchange of gratitude for helping her feel slightly less lonely. 

On the days that were particularly difficult, she’d simply sit in silence. Sometimes, the weather outside the diner would match her mood. Jamie hated these days, due to the fact the condensation would coat so thickly over the windows, she’d be unable to lose herself in watching the world go on around her. Other days, when the sun would shine so unabashedly, she would silently rejoice in the feeling of the golden rays hitting her skin. Those were the days she’d capture photos of her surroundings, because although the weight of missing Dani felt as though it was slowly consuming her the exact way the lady of the lake consumed the blonde, Jamie wanted to do something to exercise this feeling. She would snap photos, await their development, and continue adding to the scrapbook Dani had gifted her all those Christmas’ ago. She’d write tidbits of the days that accompanied the photos on the pages, right next to where the photos had been taped in. Sometimes, she felt daft for doing so. Dani wasn’t around to see these pages - who was she doing this for? Other times, she would kid herself long enough to believe that, wherever she was, Dani would be watching over her as she all but wrestled with the tape dispenser to get out a perfect strip to secure the photos, laughing all the while as she did this. 

Ultimately, Jamie couldn’t pinpoint exactly why she continued to return to that diner. There was a part of her brain that thought perhaps this was her way of closure; of remembering the love they shared between them in a way that didn’t require anyone but herself. Jamie was all too aware that closure was never served in the form of some grand gesture - it was a slow process, carried through by a series of small events that would eventually help heal. It was a grey area that demanded trudging through, until you could repeat processes often enough, they didn’t hurt anymore. That’s not to say that Jamie was looking to one day cease her visits to the diner - quite the opposite in fact. Rather, she hoped that one day she could venture here with the pain in her chest reduced to a dull ache, opposed to the side splitting shoot that coursed through her, every time the establishment came into view. 

**

_They’d grown accustomed to their nightly routine, Dani being first to crawl into bed, citing the need to finish just one more chapter of her book before Jamie joined her. Jamie would oblige, finishing up whatever tasks she’d busied herself with that night, before eventually giving in to the need to constantly be with the blonde. It was then that she’d make her way into their small walk in closet, pulling pyjamas from the drawers. Sometimes, if Dani thought ahead enough, she’d have a pair of pyjamas laying at the foot of the bed, saving Jamie a journey. Jamie would always make a grand show of getting changed on these nights - ‘a favour for a favour’, she’d tease._

_The blonde would put her book atop the stand at the side of her bed, whilst Jamie switched off the main light of their room. Finally, they’d meet in the middle of their generous queen bed. Jamie would often take the time to trace the features of the blondes face - savouring these stolen moments together. She was determined to etch every detail of the blondes features; every scar, every freckle, every indentation of a frown line or dimple. Jamie wanted - no, needed - to remember as much of the blonde as she could in ways not even photographs could capture._

_‘You know, you’re the most beautiful woman alive, Poppins.’_

_Dani would always recoil at such statements, never growing accustomed to how to receive compliments as weighted as ones that Jamie never faltered from giving her. She’d blush and attempt to hide her face. Jamie secretly loved it - she’d pry the blondes hands from covering her face, peppering her features with kisses until they were both laughing under the covers._

_They’d returned after a day of exploring; they hadn’t ventured as far as the border of Massachusetts to visit the diner they now cited as theirs._

_(‘Shall we visit our diner?’ Dani would ask on days where their calendars were free._

_‘Lets go to our place,’ Jamie would joke on weekends where they both needed to get away from real life. They both knew where she meant.)_

_They’d driven an hour outside of the town they now called home, taking in the scenery of somewhere new. They’d browsed through the quaint rows of shops, drank decent coffee inside a cafe that Jamie joked had felt like them cheating on their usual spot, and stayed out long enough to be caught in a rainstorm that forced them both to be so present in right now, that neither even tried to battle the laughs that ripped from the deepest pits of themselves. They’d danced circles in the streets whilst people around them desperately sought shelter from the sudden on pour, before finally making their way back to the car. Both were soaked to the bone, but neither of them could wipe the smiles off their faces if they wanted to._

_**_

Six months had passed since Jamie stopped searching for reasons to visit the diner, resigned now to making the trip simply because she missed Dani. Six months, and the pull to the residence felt as strong as it had the first time she’d visited. She couldn’t express it exactly - didn’t care enough to try. No one was around to listen much these days, anyway. If she had to though, she would suggest it to be much like a push and pull motion within her - it dared her to come closer, closer until she was back at her favourite table, before settling. When she made moves to leave, that feeling would let her. She wasn’t a captive to the feeling, it was more like an old friend that bid her a quiet farewell every time she backed out the door once more, safe in the knowledge that Jamie would soon again return. 

There were times where, if she paused for long enough, she could swear she was greeted with the familiar scent Dani always carried around her. The allure of the jasmine tones tinted with a slight greeting of violet - it was so distinctive to Dani, Jamie would recognise it anywhere. Other days, she was sure someone would be reaching out to her - faint enough for her to doubt if she was imagining it, but present enough to know it was definitely happening. It scared Jamie - made her wonder if she was finally submitting to the insanity brought on by the loss of Dani. These happenstances were so few and far between that she never dwelled on it for long though, putting it down to her brain trying to comfort her, or trick her perhaps, in lieu of the blondes ever present absence. 

**

‘What’s the history of this place?’ Jamie pressed. She was currently engaged in the longest running conversation she’d had with anyone since losing Dani. The manager of the place had brought her over a fresh cup of coffee, laughing off the fact she just wanted to get to know the brunette. She offered that whilst regulars were always welcome, the owner simply couldn’t pinpoint why Jamie frequented it so much. Jamie was stuck in a routine of visiting at least once every other week, sometimes once a week if she felt up to making the drive. The mileage on her car was slowly stacking up, ever decreasing the value of it. She couldn’t bring herself to care however - coming here was the one thing that helped her feel closest to Dani. Helped her feel as though, if she closed her eyes for long enough, perhaps the blonde would be sat across from her once more. 

‘That’s a loaded question girl - it’s been around longer than anyone in here has. Why’d you ask?’ The owner’s tone was inquisitive; she wasn’t defensive about Jamie’s prying, more, just not accustomed to people caring beyond getting some decent food and being on their way. Jamie faltered for a moment; she didn’t want to come across as crazy. What she really wanted to ask was whether it held any sort of ghosts - spirits that weren’t of this world, or perhaps were...once upon a time. By now, Jamie was past caring of what people thought of her - she concluded that if her line of questioning offended the owner, she’d simply resort back to keeping herself to herself in future visits. 

‘D’you reckon that it’s like, haunted?’ Jamie couldn’t think of any other ways of dancing round what she desperately needed to know. 

The owner simply stared at Jamie for a beat; shifting in her stance for a moment, as though pondering how best to go about responding. 

‘Haunted is one way to put it, I guess.’ She paused once more, before turning on her heels. ‘Give me one sec.’ Jamie watched the woman go back toward the counter, and thought perhaps she was about to call the local psychiatric unit to have her committed. Jamie didn’t think as far ahead as debating how people around here receive questions of extra-terrestrial semantics. 

Thankfully, staying true to her word, the woman returned a moment later. An additional mug in hand, as well as a pot of freshly brewed coffee. Whilst she’d clearly only intended to give Jamie a refill and be on her way, something told the brunette that this conversation was going to last a while. 

A comfortable silence washed over the booth encapsulating them both; Jamie’s mind couldn’t help but wander back to the memories of the times she’d sat here with Dani across from her instead. The way they’d be perfectly content to sit in a comfortable silence whilst the day passed them by, both simply revelling in losing themselves in the present with each other. 

‘This isn’t how I intended for my day to go, so I might as well get the familiarties out the way. I’m Moira,’ the owner offered, as she made work of preparing her own coffee. She offered Jamie a refill, to which she passed on. Jamie didn’t want her body becoming too focused on the caffeine coursing through her that she missed a second of what was about to be relayed to her. 

‘Nice to meet you Moira.’ Jamie paused to take a sip of her own coffee. ‘Jamie, by the way.’ 

‘That accent - you’re a little far from home aren’t you?’ Once more, Jamie couldn’t help but appreciate how calm the woman’s tone was. She wasn’t looking to press for malice intentions - she just seemed genuinely curious as to who Jamie was.

‘Define home.’ Jamie retorted. 

‘Touche.’ 

‘Yeah, I am far from home, if that’s what you’d call it. Lived in England most of my life, but I came over to the States a few years ago with my late wife. We lived up in Vermont together.’

‘Your late wife? Oh honey, my condolences. You look far too young to have experienced such a loss already.’

‘Tell me about it.’ Jamie once again fell silent, happy to just let the weight of the words settle.

‘So, what’s got you so intrigued about this place? What do you care if it has some ghostly inhabitants?’

‘No reason really, I just...it’s going to sound crazy.’

‘Try me, honey. I’ve been around long enough to have heard at least seven shades crazier.’

‘My wife...she died. Yet, whenever I come here...I can still feel her. Like, I know it’s not just some grief response. I can smell her - the way her perfume used to smell. Sometimes, I could swear she’s sitting next to me - I can practically feel the way she used to play with the hair at my neck.’

Another wave of silence fell over the pair; Jamie began to worry she’d said too much. The quiet turned deafening all too quickly. 

‘Like I said, it’s crazy.’ Jamie offered, as though she was trying to downplay everything she’d just admitted. 

‘Honey, I don’t think it’s crazy. Not at all.’ Moira reached over the table to lay a hand atop of Jamie’s - a silent offering of comfort. Of reassurance. Jamie wasn’t crazy - she was _heard._ ‘I don’t know what you define as ghosts really. What I _do_ know, is that there are some forces beyond what any of us can understand in this world. I think love plays a great deal into those forces; it bounds us to those we care so deeply for, whether in this life or the next, that it can sometimes act as an anchor. She’s still here, in this diner of all places, because it’s where she feels closest to you.’

‘Hm,’ was all Jamie could offer, not exactly knowing how to take Moira’s response in. ‘But why not be present in our home? Christ, we weren’t there for long, but it was ours, you know?’

‘That, I can’t answer. I think that if she’s reaching out to you, regardless of where it may be, then let her. She’s proving her love for you even though she may no longer be physically here. That’s a lot more than most people in this world get, let alone in any other.’ 

The pair talked for a while longer - Moira shared how she’d taken over the diner fifty years ago from her parents. A promise of a stable life. She’d never looked back; she spoke of how much she loved meeting people from each and every walk of life. Of how she basked in the feeling of knowing she’d impact peoples lives, even if it was just over through a good plate of freshly cooked food. Jamie talked of the Leafling - how it’d been a passion project between her and Dani. How there were times she couldn’t bear to go there some days, and so the opening times remained somewhat inconsistent.

Moira offered open ears, and a sympathetic smile. She told Jamie that she’d lost her husband five years ago - cancer, the evil fucker. She mourned the loss of him every single day, but she took solace in the fact he was no longer hurting. Much like Jamie, she swore she could sometimes feel his presence. Some evenings, Moira was sure she could feel his presence on the chair he used to spend every evening in. Jamie was grateful for the empathy; the feeling of relatability that came with the way Moira spoke of her husband. Somewhere along the line, the diner had become considerably busier. It was then that Moira had to excuse herself, needing to help the rest of the waiting staff on shift that afternoon. She thanked Jamie for the conversation, and promised that whenever she needed, she was always welcome to speak to her, of anything that was pressing a little too heavy on her heart that day. 

Jamie remained seated in the diner for an hour or two more - just long enough that her eyes began to feel heavy with the weight of fatigue washing over her. Enough so, that she knew she’d fall into a dreamless sleep almost immediately after getting home. It still felt foreign, referring to the apartment she’d once shared with Dani as home. Dani was her home - she was the one Jamie came home to every evening, not bricks and mortar. Regardless, it was where she felt the memory of Dani most. It wasn’t the push and pull that elicited within Jamie whenever she drove up here. No, the feeling of Dani at the place they’d once called home together was a comfort; a soft embrace gently cocooning Jamie. A notion that made her feel safe. Made her sure that she will still be loved - loved from beyond the stars. 

Leaving this time around felt different in a way the brunette couldn’t quite place. As though something had shifted - something beyond her ability to contextualise. She was desperately willing her brain not to be driven to insanity following her conversation with Moira, but she couldn’t ignore the feeling inside her. It was a force too strong to be dulled. Stronger than the pull that continued to draw her back here, though that feeling served to amplify it. If Jamie was forced to voice what she was experiencing, she would put it down to nothing short of a cosmic shift. Something akin to universes aligning, stars colliding, souls finally reconnecting in ways she thought was only reserved for fiction.

Suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to leave the diner - to flee from this feeling, she gathered her few belongings and headed for the exit. Flashing Moira one last smile in goodbye, she turned one final time toward the table she’d sat at just moments ago. It was then, for a fleeting second, Jamie swore she was graced with the sight of Dani sitting there. Sat there, smiling. She was there, she was present. Playing with a lock of blonde curls, that bashful smile Jamie grew to love so much painted over her features. Jamie froze in her tracks - Dani was sitting where she’d been only moments before. She didn’t know what to do - did she run? Did she collapse there and then, certain she’d lost her mind? It was as though time came to a slow trickle around her. For right now, there was only her and Dani. Her and the woman she’d spent the last year and a half grieving for. 

_‘Go, my love. Go home. I’ll be here, I’ll be waiting. I’m not going anywhere.’_

Something...some _one_ whispered to Jamie. She blinked - eyes closed for just a nanosecond, and Dani was gone. Urged forward by that push and pull, Jamie returned back to her home. _Their_ home. She had no one to talk the events of today over, though she was certain no one would believe her if she tried. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final part to this story is in the next chapter that's already up! it felt too clustered to include as one big piece, so i split it into two.
> 
> feel free to leave kudos/comments/whatever if u enjoyed<3


	2. wait for me to come home

**

Jamie resisted the urge to return to the diner for as long as she could withstand after that. She couldn’t place the motivation behind her avoidance; whether it was down to fear, or hope. She wasn’t sure which was more dangerous to meddle in. The thought of seeing Dani again, though she knew that was impossible - it made her feel more alive than she’d felt in the last year of her life. When she felt that pull calling out to her, she busied herself however she could. She’d throw an abundance of extra hours into the Leafling, she made more of an effort to familiarise herself with the community around her, she tried to work on making some changes to her home. She did everything she possibly could muster up, until she eventually ran out of options. 

Three weeks had passed since her encounter with Dani - if that’s what she could boil it down to. Since she was sure her brain had finally given out, fell victim to the weight of ever pressing grief. Three weeks, and she finally subdued to the need to go back to the diner. Her hands shook for the entire drive there. Three hours can feel like a lifetime under the right circumstances, or the wrong ones. Context depending. Upon arriving at the place she’d come to class as a second home, her hands continued to tremble. Once more, something had changed within her. A force buried deep within her soul begged to be let out. Jamie could only comply, helpless under the magnitude of whatever this was. She was certain she was slowly submitting to insanity. 

When entering the premise, she halted for a moment. Terrified to lift her head up toward the booth she so often resided at. Unable to work out if she wanted to see Dani, or if she was desperate to dine alone. Only time would tell, it’d seem. Though, that didn’t stop Jamie delaying the inevitable - she beelined for the restrooms as soon as she entered, spending more than enough time splashing her face with cold water. She was willing herself to stay sane, all whilst this invisible pull within her continued to rise to the surface. Jamie was sure to add that to the list of things she would never dare attempt to voice aloud, let alone share with anyone. Eventually though, Jamie ran out of ways to procrastinate. 

Something told her Dani would be there, waiting for her. She didn’t know how she knew, but she just _did._ Externally, she did everything she could to keep her composure. She made idle chit-chat with Moira at the counter for a few minutes, mentally still trying to prepare herself for what was about to come. The older woman could tell she was unsettled, though she didn’t press for reasoning. Jamie didn’t know how, but something amidst this almost sixth sense she feared she’d developed helped her realise that Moira knew more than she was letting on. Eventually, Jamie felt brave enough to no longer delay the inevitable. She bid the woman goodbye and turned on her feet.

Though, nothing could’ve prepared her for the sight that lay before her. Dani was opposite her usual seat, waiting for her. She hadn’t aged a day - looking precisely how she did the night before she’d left to return back to Bly. Her hair fell freely around her face, her features remained soft. Jamie felt her heart shattering and instantly rebuilding within herself. She couldn’t explain this if she wanted to, but somehow, she continued to will her feet forward. Forward, forward, forward...until she was once again face to face with the love of her life. Face to face with the woman she vowed to love for the rest of her days. With the woman that’d been so cruelly stolen from her well before her time. Jamie couldn’t explain how any of this was possible, but she no longer cared. No longer cared if she was in fact submitting to insanity. For, Dani was opposite her now sitting form. The blonde reached out, and Jamie could feel her hands atop her own. They were warm - the substance of life flowing through her fingers as though she was a real person sat opposite her, just like old times sake. 

‘Hi baby,’ Dani, in whatever form she was currently, whispered. It was then, that Jamie finally crumbled. 

**

The water hadn’t marked her - not even a hint of decay surrounded the blondes features. She looked as radiant and effervescent as Jamie remembered. She looked as though she hadn’t spent a day away, let alone over a year. Jamie was desperate to demand answers, but was more in need of basking in the safety of once again being _home._

‘Poppins-’ Jamie’s voice was barely above a whisper, as though any louder and the bubble surrounding them would come shattering down. Any louder, and Jamie would be forced to wake up from whatever dream she was in right now. 

‘Hi,’ was all Dani could offer. It was almost as if Dani too couldn’t believe the sight before her; the sight of Jamie. The woman whose heart she broke in leaving, though it was no fault of her own. 

‘Have I officially gone mad?’ Jamie questioned - tone laced with humour. Though, part of Jamie worried that she finally had in fact lost her mind.

‘Not at all, my love. Not at all.’ Dani’s smile was welcoming - like a warm embrace after a long day. Jamie’s heart flipped at the sight of it. Every. Damn. Time.

‘Then...how the fuck am I seeing you? You’re-’ She couldn’t finish that sentence. Never would be able to. 

The pair were interrupted by Moira’s presence. Jamie recoiled in her seat, desperate to look as though she wasn’t currently reuniting with her wife that’d been dead over a year. She panicked, mind racing over how she currently looked. Was it evident she was having what would strike any outsider as a one sided conversation? She was sure other customers would swear her crazy if she was. Whilst Jamie was internally spiralling, Moira simply set a cup of fresh coffee down for Jamie. She rested a gentle hand atop the brunette's shoulder, smiling. 

‘I’ll leave you ladies to get reacquainted,’ she mused, before heading back to the counter. 

Jamie was truly at a loss for words - she wasn’t the only one who could see Dani. She desperately wanted to understand how all of this was happening, but she struggled to string together a single coherent thought. 

‘Poppins, I need answers,’ the panic in Jamie’s tone becoming more evident. She was losing the shreds of control she had on her heart rate - anxiety threatened to overtake her at any given moment. 

‘I have them, love. Just take a breath.’ Dani inhaled, and motioned for Jamie to mimic her. They held the breath for a beat, before slowly exhaling. Once more, their hands joined in the centre of the table. ‘I know - trust me I do, how overwhelming this all is. I’ve wanted to make myself known to you for so long - I just didn’t know...how. Or when. Or how to go about it best. The line between life and death is a fine one, and I never wanted to place a foot wrong. I need you to know that.’ The look in Dani’s eyes was pleading with Jamie to do her best to process everything Dani was relaying. 

‘You see, when I left...when she called me back, something happened. For all the times she’d lay dormant within me, it was as though me returning back to that lake helped her cross over. Helped her finally feel free enough to finally let go. She called me back because she finally was ready to go, wherever that may be.’

‘You mean, you had to leave because some bitch that died hundreds of years ago finally decided she was ready to die for real this time?’

Dani laughed at Jamie’s choice of phrasing. Her way with words, laced thick with northern English dialect had always struck a chord with Dani. It was part of what had the blonde so attracted to her in the first place.

‘I guess that’s one way of looking at it. Regardless, the entire time she lay at the bottom of the lake, she’d mastered this pull. Her own definition of gravity, that allowed her to remain anchored to Bly. I don’t know why, she never let me in far enough to divulge the answers I was looking for. But, because of this pull, she’d created her own unique purgatory. A means of remaining in this world, whilst she settled whatever scores she needed to before passing to the next.’

‘And who on earth pissed her off enough in this life to warrant her dragging everyone she did down with her? She tried to take Flora for Christ's sake - she was just a child!’

‘Baby,’ Dani pleaded. She knew this was more than Jamie had ever expected, and knew the brunettes defences were raised. Thankfully, Dani had accounted for such. ‘I know that none of this makes sense by any logical sense of the word, just let me finish.’ Jamie exhaled sharply, but allowed Dani to continue. ‘When I returned to the lake...the crevice of myself she settled in…she left. Replaced by something I never knew how to define. I still don’t. That doesn’t matter though. What matters is that it helped me stay. Helped me stay in this life just enough, that I could be here. The way she anchored herself to Bly...I willed myself to do the same with you. It took months, but she was still _there_ , in my head. Coaching me through it. I’d feel her presence scratching at the forefront of my mind, willing me to focus.’

‘Are you saying that you were still...alive? Down there?’

‘I don’t think so - I was present, but I wasn’t. If you’d have pulled me out of the lake, I would’ve been as dead as day. Though, down there, whilst nestled safely in the unseeable realm she’d created, I had time to master it. To master whatever it was she was so desperate to teach me. I don’t think she meant for me to be trapped...for me to die. She just...she didn’t know how to let go, without me. She spoke to me sometimes...as much as you could speak to voices that exist only in your head. She regretted hurting people...hurting me, hurting _you._ She saw the life we built together whilst she remained in that one spot of my soul. I don’t know how capable she was of empathy, but I think she came pretty damn close to it when we finally rejoined beneath the lake. She was just so _tired._ She didn’t want to continue inflicting hurt on people that didn’t deserve it. I don’t think I was ever meant to be in her path...she was so set on taking Flora. Only, I stopped it. Because of that, she wanted to offer me something. A way for us to still be together, as much as the cosmic forces could offer. She helped me create my own pull; how to master the means of being anchored.

‘But...why here? Why not our house? Why here?’

‘It was too unpredictable; I thought I’d fail. Hell, I was superstitious enough in that life to avoid any crack in the pavements, I sure as hell wasn’t going to risk your wellbeing by a failed anchoring in our home.’ Jamie gasped at that; the sound of hearing Dani refer to the place they’d once shared as _their home_ once more. It was all threatening to become too much for her to process, tears threatened to spill over. 

‘When she’d speak to me, she told me that I needed to envision somewhere close to you, but far enough to not cause too much damage if things went wrong. This was the perfect place. I knew you still came here - I don’t know how...I just did. This was our getaway spot. I knew you’d still come here.’

‘I think I’ve spent as much time here as I have at home lately,’ Jamie smiled at the admission.

‘I know, I’ve seen. God, I fought so hard for this to work. I just kept thinking...if I could see you one more time. Assure you that it was okay, that I’m okay...that _you’re_ okay. Even if you don’t feel it all the time. I just wanted to be able to reach out, hold you. I missed you so much, you don’t even know.’

‘I think I do Poppins - I missed you equally as much, if not more.’ 

They both fell into a lull of silence, once again content in being cocooned in their own gravitational pull. One that existed long before Dani mastered the teachings of the Lady that dragged her beneath the surface. One that’d existed from the second the au pair first laid eyes on the gardener. 

‘Jamie...I’ve missed you so much. I’ve been here longer than you realise. I just never knew how to let myself be known. Watching you - whether you were reading, or writing, or just watching the world pass you by, I ached to reach out. I came close once or twice...but I always retreated at the last moment. I was scared you were still too deep in your grief to begin to understand how this was possible.’

It was as though a lightbulb suddenly flashed above Jamie’s head; minor events of the last few months, they all felt as though they were finally falling into place. 

‘So, when I thought I could smell your perfume? Or could feel you brush past my neck? That was you - every time, it was you? I wasn’t actually losing my mind?’ 

Dani offered a smug nod in confirmation. 

‘I think, deep down, you knew too. You’re my best friend...my soul mate. We’re too interconnected for you not to know...it was just a case of you being ready to admit it for yourself. After everything we saw, everything we lived through at Bly… I knew you wouldn’t relinquish the idea of ghosts. Or spirits. Whatever you want to call all of this. I think you just needed time to be open to the idea of them existing in ways that weren’t setting out to hurt anyone. So, I watched, and I waited.’

Jamie once again fell silent, playing idly with Dani’s fingers - just because she could.

‘Moira is quite the woman, by the way.’

Jamie’s eyebrows shot up at that - how on earth Dani knew her name, she wasn’t sure. The confusion on her face must’ve been evident, because Dani let out another soft laugh. 

‘She knows too. I needed to see if it’d worked - if I was really here. I figured, if it _had_ worked, someone would just brush it off to a case of seeing someone that probably moved before they could register it. So I had to think carefully. One night after closing, and all the staff had gone, I sat here, waiting for Moira. I hadn’t intended for her to be so welcoming - I thought she’d just tell me they were closed, and I’d disappear as quickly as I’d made myself known.’ 

‘So what happened then?’

‘Well, I did sit here, and she did tell me they were closed. Then, I guess she must’ve recognised me from when we’d visited before. She asked me where you were - she thought we were just best friends...you know..the type of friends that do everything together, or whatever. I said you were at home, and she asked why I wasn’t there with you. I don’t know what it was...but something in me just willed me to trust her. So I did. I told her everything; she knows of Bly, of the Lady of the Lake, Hannah, Owen, Flora and Miles...Rebecca and Peter. Us - our story. She knows everything. I felt safe knowing that no one would ever believe her if she decided that this was all ridiculous and tried to go to the press with it. Who would believe a woman citing that she was harbouring a ghost in her diner? Only, that never happened. She listened with such intent, I knew as soon as I’d finished, that she knew. Whatever this is...however I’m here...she gets it. She told me that something similar happened with her husband.’

‘Her husband? He died, like five years ago? What does he have to do with this?’

‘Turns out love is a very influential force baby...sometimes, we just aren’t ready to let go. He visits her frequently. Sitting in the chair he’d occupy every night. Making his presence known. He’ll let her talk of her day, they’ll indulge in trips down memory lane. Love is what kept him anchored. Whilst the Lady of the Lake was fuelled by hatred and spite...me and Moira’s husband..we’re here because we still have so much love to give. Enough, that we’re able to channel it to anchor us to who we need to give it to most.

‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ Jamie was overwhelmed, resigning to just running her hands through her hair a few times. They were still trembling, and at this point, she wasn’t sure they would ever stop. ‘Poppins...this is…’

‘It’s a lot, I know. Believe me. But it doesn’t have to be - it’ll become easier to digest soon enough. I promise.’

‘So...every time I’ve felt inclined to visit?’

‘That was me, every time. I was selfish, I missed you. This was the only way I could see you, even if you couldn’t see me. I willed us together. Much like the Lady willed people down with her...only I was much less violent in my execution.’

‘I don’t think I even want to know what that means.’

‘Some things are better left unsaid, my love.’

**

The pair stayed rooted to the table well after closing. Moira was more than happy to oblige in letting the pair reconnect whilst she went about closing the diner. Dani explained that she will be here as long as she pleases, and that maybe one day, she will master her anchor enough to return home. _Home._ To Jamie...and Poppins, the cat. Breaking the news of Jamie’s new companion had filled Dani with such joy, the blonde gushed of how she couldn’t wait to become acquainted with the newly named Poppins Junior. 

‘Babe, she’s a cat...she won’t see you.’

‘ _Babe_...cat’s have like, a sixth sense. They see everything. Much more than humans. We’ll be best friends in no time.’

**

It pained Moira to do so, but she eventually had to split them up, under the guise of desperately needing to return home after pulling an unexpected double shift that day. She offered Jamie a bed for the night, not wishing for her to embark on the treacherous journey home so late, whilst so emotionally spent. She went to decline the offer, but Dani answered for her. She was always so good at that; knowing exactly what Jamie needed, even when she herself couldn’t realise that. 

Jamie went home with Moira, under the promise of returning tomorrow. Dani promised she would be waiting for her. It was there that Moira introduced Jamie to her husband, Graham. She listened to Moira tell her late husband of Dani and Jamie’s reunion, how gorgeous it was and how her heart was so full it could burst. That night, Jamie slept sounder than she had in so long. 

**

Slowly, but surely, Jamie began to wrap her head around the fact that Dani was here. She would visit the diner often; three times a week, sometimes five if the Leafling was facing a slow week. She would tell Dani of orders she’d taken, stories their customers had told her, any word she’d heard from Owen. It felt like nothing had changed, like Dani had never been forced back beneath the lake and they’d simply continued to live their life as two humans so stupidly in love. It wasn’t perfect, but they made it work. 

Dani would wait for Jamie, and was understanding on days she couldn’t come. She knew that Jamie had slowly begun to build a life outside of Dani. Not out of spite, but out of _need._ The need for human connection is so primitive to survival, she’d have been more concerned if Jamie had remained a recluse for the rest of her days. She could still hear the Lady’s voice, it would scratch the outer corners of her mind in passing intervals. Only now, Dani couldn’t make sense of the words she spoke. Once more, the blonde was ladened with the phrase that never failed to send shivers down her spine. ‘It’s you, it’s me, it’s us.’ Dani begged the Lady to expand further - why that? Why now? There were no more battles to be had, no more life to be claimed. Why was she still hell bent on that particular wording?

**

Jamie’s life was now separated into chunks she’d never anticipated. There was:

  * Life before Bly
  * Life at Bly
  * Life with Dani
  * Life without Dani
  * Life with Dani, once more



She often found herself hesitating - waiting for her to wake up from this reality. Though, the penny never dropped. 

At long last, she felt herself beginning to heal. Beginning to find herself once more. A flame lit with her, that she was so sure had been extinguished for good. She was happy, at long last. Knowing she was once again being granted the luxury of loving Dani, of being with Dani. Sometimes, she found herself wishing for more - wishing they could spend one more night in bed together. Finding solace under the covers, shutting the world out to be just Dani and Jamie, the way they cherished not so long ago. Though, she knew that what she had now is more than most get in this lifetime, let alone any other. 

Something once again began to change; it happened so slowly, she would’ve missed it completely, had she not been forced to pay such stark attention to it. It was akin to the way a song becomes stuck in your head, only, this set of words held no melody to them. _It’s you. It’s me. It’s us._ The last time Jamie had cried those words out, she was faced with an onslaught of lake water depositing deep within her lungs. Her chest burned, as she was forced to take in the sight of Dani laying motionless at the bottom of the lake. She was desperate for those words to bring her back. It was a phrase that became so stuck in her head, it all but took over. She confided as much in Dani, and she could only hum in sympathy. Dani confessed that those words rang through her brain at a frequency she too could not ignore. There were times where it was loud enough for both women to panic - they feared it meant they were once again moments away from being ripped apart. As a result, they treated every evening as though it was their last together. Jamie held Dani for as long as she physically could, before the blonde willed her to return home before the roads became too dark to drive safely over. 

The words were so persistent, they seeped into Jamie’s dreams. There was no imagery to accompany the words, just the same phrase ringing through her head, embedded deep into every crevice of her subconscious. The nights they weren’t there, she dreamt of Dani. Of her and Dani. Of the life they could once again, with enough courage, dare to dream about again. A life that existed solely within the four walls of that diner they’d stumbled upon by chance, all those years ago. 

**

_It’s you, it’s me, it’s us._

_It’s you._

_It’s me._

_It’s us._

_You._

_Me._

_Us._

**

Jamie awoke, startled one morning. She felt frozen; as though her limbs were suddenly too heavy to function. A weight rested atop her chest, that was so alien it felt as though it existed outside of her. She laid still for a few moments, desperately awaiting her heart rate to return back to normal. Finally, she let out a shaky breath, and willed herself to open her eyes. To face the day that lay ahead of her. The echoing in her head was gone; silenced completely. She once more closed her eyes, silently begging that this didn’t signify what she and Dani had feared most.

Jamie couldn’t do it again - she couldn’t survive the pain of losing Dani twice. She’d scarcely survived losing her the first time. She’d only just allowed herself to become settled in the notion of having Dani back - only recently allowed herself to once more feel at home around the blonde. Their situation wasn’t perfect, but it was theirs. It was as much as they were offered, and it was enough for them. Jamie made a silent vow to herself that she wasn’t going to be forced to endure the pain of losing Dani again. She would simply join her. It may seem irrational - far fetched perhaps, but Jamie was set. Dead set on the knowledge that she could not, _would_ not live through losing Dani twice. Love be damned, she couldn’t endure another heartbreak of such catastrophic weight. 

Only, no sooner had she made peace with the wager with herself, did all of that come crashing down around her. For, there was no need to go to such extremes. Not when her senses finally awoke, and she was once more met with the unmistakable smell of Dani. Here, in the bed that she’d once shared with the blonde. Finally, she registered that the reason the weight felt so external, was because it _was._ Jamie willed herself to steal a glance to her right, and it was there that everything she could’ve ever asked for greeted her. The image of Dani, safe. Here. Present. With her. In their bed, once more. Her chest rose and fell slowly, in perfect succession with Jamie’s. Jamie reached out to once more trace her features, her fingers gentle on her descent down the slope of the blondes nose. It was enough to rouse the blonde. She woke slowly, taking a moment to register where she was, who she was with. When their eyes finally met, both women didn’t even attempt to hold back the barges of tears that spilled down their faces. 

Jamie wasted no time in closing the space between them, planting a kiss firmly on Dani’s lips. Her hands snaked beneath the shirt Dani was now lying in, desperate to feel the skin of Dani’s chest. Just to know she was here. Here in the way Hannah remained present at Bly. Here in the way those surrendered to Bly remained in the house. Here, in the way that Dani would forever remain anchored to their home. Here...finally, _home._

**

It would seem, as an act of true apology, that the Lady worked with them both enough to allow Dani to return home. In perfect unison, somewhere in the dead of the evening just gone, they’d both recited the words once more. _It’s you. It’s me. It’s us._ As close of a mating call as the pair would ever experience, yet strong enough to will Dani here. Right here, to their bed. Back to Jamie, ready to continue their future together. She was never fully alive in the same way that Hannah wasn’t - she wouldn’t be able to leave the confines of their home, though neither cared. They had a balcony. They had Poppins Junior. They had each other. It was already more than either woman envisioned in life, post Dani’s return to the lake. 

Dani could no longer communicate with Viola following that night. Viola. She’d finally let Dani in enough to exchange familiarities. Viola, who finally felt as though she’d done all she could to repay the pair for all the suffering she’d inflicted, in wake of her selfishness. 

Unlike Viola, Dani would never forget her past. She would never forget where she came from - how she came to be frozen in time. Forevermore, she would remember the life she’d lived prior to this existence. Her memory, her _being_ would never fall to Jamie to solely keep alive. Instead, the pair were afforded a second chance.

A second chance at basking in the little pieces of life that were so uniquely _them._ There were times that were silly, those that were sad - but they were sure to hold each and every one of them tight. After all, for the rest of their lives, by some stroke of fate and some inexplicable cosmic shift...it would now forever remain _you, me, us_. As though they were living through some folklore that would be told years down the line. Together, just how fate had always intended for them to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed it besties! feel free to leave comment/kudos/whatever if u feel so inclined<3


End file.
